My Boyfriend is an Introvert and I’m an Extrovert, Are We Doomed?

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“My boyfriend is an introvert and I’m an extrovert, are we doomed?”

This question was emailed to me by a reader last week. I read it and immediately knew the answer.

No, you’re not doomed because your personalities don’t match up. You can make this work!

An introvert extrovert relationship CAN work so long as both parties actively work at it.

You being the extrovert in a relationship, I’m sure you find your introverted partner’s behaviors a bit hard to deal with sometimes. But you need to first understand that introverts don’t process things the same way you do.

So your partner being different from you is totally normal. In fact, I think it’s beautiful because you both add value to each other’s life.

Now that we’ve got that out of the way, let’s look at some tips for an introvert extrovert relationship.

8 introvert extrovert relationship Tips to follow for a healthy relationship:

  1. Respect your partner for who he is.

He isn’t trying to annoy you on purpose and he doesn’t want to be a bother.

Try not to over-think the situation. Sure, you tend to take things personally when your partner doesn’t want to hang out with you as much as you do but give him some distance and he’ll come back. Introverts generally need their alone time or they’ll run out of social energy quickly.

  1. Don’t be a hypocrite

I know you were attracted to your boyfriend because of his quiet nature but this doesn’t mean that he can sit around and not participate in conversations just as you don’t.

If you want him to talk, engage him by asking him questions about what he thinks instead of forcing someone else to do the talking for him. Or if he’s not comfortable enough to contribute, just talk about him in positive terms.

I’ve also seen some introverts try to force themselves into an extrovert lifestyle for their partners. They go out more often than they really want or start drinking when they don’t like it (introverts tend to be teetotalers) or talk about things they don’t really care about.

  1. See through your introvert’s eyes

When you’re an extrovert, it’s easy to fantasize that everyone is just like you. It’s easy for you to interpret situations from your own perspective. But you never know, the way you see things might not be the way your partner sees it.

For instance, if he’s quiet when everyone else is talking about a party they went to last night, don’t automatically think that he didn’t have fun or even worse that he hates your friends.

It could mean that he’s tired, or that he doesn’t feel like talking about it because he didn’t enjoy the party. Or maybe he just needs a little time to process things and then he’ll give you his feedback.

Just try to be patient and see things from your introvert’s perspective instead of interpreting them according to your own logic.

  1. Spend time alone with each other

As an extrovert, you’re used to spending time with people and talking the whole day. But sometimes this might overwhelm your partner so find some time to spend by yourself or with just him. It could mean just cuddling up on the couch while watching a movie but that would be enough to recharge his social batteries.

  1. Don’t make him feel like he has to hide who he really is.

Introverts are not good at lying or hiding their feelings, particularly if they’re unhappy about something. They tend to internalize everything and it doesn’t help that the world is actually made for extroverts!

you should remind your partner that it’s ok to be himself and not what the world expects him to be.

Be proactive in finding ways to make him comfortable and happy and he’ll do the same for you too!

  1. Make plans in advance

I know this might come across as “you’re always late”, but hear me out. An introvert needs time to process whatever it is that’s about to happen, whether it’s a small thing like having lunch together or something more involved like spending the day at Disneyland.

If you make plans last minute during your lunch break or right before you leave for a party, chances are he won’t be able to make it.

What I suggest is that you plan things ahead of time and then let him know about it one day in advance. You can even try asking him if he’s free this weekend and then planning something together as long as it works with his schedule.

  1. Be patient

Introverts are not bad people, it’s just that their nature is to be quiet and process things internally before they talk about it with you or others. It takes time for them to open up but once they do, they’ll be the best partner you could ever ask for!

So please, don’t try to force them to open up or change who they are. Let them be themselves and be patient in letting them know what’s bothering you. Give them time to process information before jumping to conclusions and if they say something that sounds rude, don’t immediately take it personally.

Getting annoyed will not make your introvert want to be more open with you, it’ll just drive him away and then you two won’t have anything left in common!

  1. If you still think it’s worth it, tell him

If you think your relationship is doomed because he’s too introverted for you, then I’m sorry to say this, but maybe he isn’t the right one for you. Relationships are meant to complement each other, not to complete each other.

If you still think his introversion is a quirk you can live with and that your relationship is worth fighting for, then sit down and have a heart-to-heart conversation about this.

Tell him how it makes you feel when he doesn’t want to hang out as much as you do or how his introverted nature makes you feel less loved or valued.

See what he has to say and listen carefully. If it really is a deal-breaker for both of you, then perhaps it’s time to face the truth and end things amicably.

Overall, you just need to treat your boyfriend like he’s normal. He’s different, yes but so is everyone else. Nobody is like anyone else because we are all made differently! Sometimes we just need to be more patient and understanding of others.

And lastly, never forget that an introvert is still a human being with the same needs as anybody else.

He’s not like Spock or Sheldon Cooper (although I’m sure they’re still awesome people) who doesn’t need anybody because he has no feelings! Don’t underestimate the fact that an introvert can love you just as much as everyone else.

I really hope this answer helped you and if you have any questions, feel free to ask or suggest an article topic in the comments below!

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Sarra is a behavioral science student and HS science teacher ( also a cat mom! ) who obsesses over typing people but can't seem to type her own self. Let's just say that for the time being, she's a cross between an INFJ and INFP!

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